Well I guess I jumped on this Blog bandwagon, Late as usual, but fashionably none the less!
I've had so much going on lately, good and bad times, and I've been thinking I need to invest in a journal, but of course I never got around to buying the journal. So this blog will become just that. So here we go on my first subject......
My biggest mountain these days is losing this baby weight, and over coming this knee injury/surgery. While I am thankful for my daughter, I hated pregnancy, and the whole process simply because I knew what the out come would be, my daily struggle which is my weight, and body image. I gained too much, and I own up to that. In the beginning I hardly gained anything, and the last 3 months I ballooned. I then had a C-Section, and just as I had recovered from that, a wrench was thrown into my workout plan, and I was granted a knee injury, which resulted in surgery. So some of the weight I had lost I gained back in recovery. Thankfully I met a wonderful trainer, and she has taught me a world of knowledge on strength training, and piece of mind from cruel peoples comments. I have gained alot of muscle, but I needed the cardio in which I was limited, and still am due to my knee surgery. My weight is embarrassing, and to this day certain people still treat me differently.
I have officially been on both sides of the fence. I've been the skinny girl most of my life,and treated so nicely, and catered to, and of course the last year and a half Ive been the big girl (big girl to my own image is me being a size 12) Its sick how differently you are treated when you are skinny vs fat. I guess its a stereo type. People automatically think, she must be lazy. Well I know I am not. Do I do EVERYTHING I possibly could be to lose all of this pregnancy weight? I would say I do about 75% of it. I know I do alot more about losing it than alot of others I know. I'm active, and I eat right 80% of the time. Latley Ive been on a roller coaster, and I honeslty dont know why. It could be stress from other problems going on right now (that will be my next blog post) or it could be a moment of weakness.
I almost feel like an addict of sorts, because an addict has to work on sobriety every minute of every day, and one day at a time. Addicts have all of the knowledge, all of the tools to stay sober, yet often times they relapse. I have all of the knowledge, and all of the tools to lose this weight, yet it is still hanging over my head every minute of every day. Its almost ironic because in 2008 I was the smallest, and most physically fit I've ever been and I loved it! Yet my life around me was crumbling, and I was depressed, I had just broken things off with my fiance, and done alot of things not morally acceptable! and was forced to find somewhere to live with hardly anyone to turn to. but you bet your ass I worked out every day, and ate really well. Now I am like I said previously the biggest I have ever been and I couldnt ask for more, I have a wonderful, loving husband who would do anything for me, and a daughter who is just too perfect for words. I have a home, and 2 dogs, and I have a job.
I think the biggest thing for me, is I wont settle for less! I dont respect people who aren't brutally honest with me, I need a swift kick in the ass to stay on track, but no one gives it to me, for fear of offending me. I had a few people even tell me during and after having my daughter, that my body will never be the same. I honeslty to this day dont know if those were compliments, or trying to make me feel better, or just being mean? I didnt take it as a compliment, I think it is rude to tell a person that. That is my motivation to prove these people wrong, and I know someday I will. I might even say "I told you so".Telling yourself you'll never look the same is a cop out! I know if you put your mind to it, you can make it happen.
So I will go on with my daily struggle, I will continue to exercise the best I can, I hope some day soon, this knee pain will ease and I will be able to run again. Hopefully I can try to get my eating habits off of this roller coaster. I hope I will be at the size 4 I want to be again sometime in 2012 as well.
Oh and by the way, I really secretly hate all of you naturally skinny bitches!
Until next time.......