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Saturday, December 17, 2011

Just Remember to Breathe

Wow, so it has been a while since I have written, and my how things have changed.....
I truly dont even know where to start....Just be ready for a novel!
Well last July Vic, and I decided he should pursue his career outside of the military, due to the fact that things were not exactly working in our favor where he currently was at. So he applied to some companies, and in August he was hired with an overseas contracting job.
While we were very excited for the potential pay, we were hit with yet another bombshell from my orthopedic surgeon, he had ordered an MRI, due to the fact that my knee injury was not healing the way it should have. The MRI showed a mass in my knee, and the doctor wanted to schedule surgery the very next week to remove it.
Well I know I couldn't very well do recovery from surgery by myself, with the baby in all. So Vic in turn had to put off leaving. With him and I both out of work we knew things would get very tight financially. Well they did, and I had to learn a whole new way of budgetting. It seemed like things were just getting thrown at us left, and right. In October my best friend of a dog Jager came down with an aggressive form of cancer, I was forced to make the decision to put him to sleep. I can not tell you the last time I have ever been so depressed. He had been with me for 7 years, through thick and thin. The night before we put him to sleep, I had a dream, it was filled with black crows everywhere in the dream. I woke up and lnterpretted my dream and crows symbolize death. Jager was dying, he had gotten so weak in just a weeks time, he wouldnt move out of his bed, wouldnt eat, wouldnt drink. I knew he was in so much pain. I had to let him go. I also began to have problems at work on top of all of the things going on, we gained a new supervisor, and you could easily say we did not, and still do not see eye to eye on a lot of things. Alot of things were going on with my schedule, co workers, etc. It teaches you a lesson, that the only person you can trust/rely on is yourself. I have one exception to this rule, that my husband is also someone who I can hole heartedly rely on and trust.
Finally when I thought things couldnt get any worse, we received word that Vic was infact leaving overseas and it was happening very fast. We literally had a couple of days notice of his training, and now within the next few days he will be gone for a year.
It was a crazy mix of emotions, and still is. Financial stress is horrible, its like your whole world is caving in, and there is nothing you can do to stop it. You have to make serious sacrifices. The whole world revolves around money doesnt it? So now one stress will be alleviated, and one will be gained with the stress of my husband being gone for so long, and becoming a single parent. Yes, this isnt exactly a new thing, because with Vic and I both being military we have experienced one of us being gone for months at a time before. Now, is alot different because there is a child involved.
I think the thing that infuriates me in alot of this, is I have been told by a few so called supervisors that I have to "find resources" for childcare to work with my schedule at work, with my odd hours. I have to be able to "make sacrifices".The schedule could be changed to put me on a feasable shift to work around childcare hours, and my personal opinion is if you can help a single parent make their hours easier then why not do this? Lets just say a few of these people whom have children leave them with strangers, or leave them home alone for a few hours until they get home (mind you these children are below age 10).  To me this is just ass backwards! Whatever happened to your children coming first? There are too many sick people out there, who I do not trust with my daughter. Ignorant parents drive me crazy. Maybe its because I am a child psychology nut, or what but, my whole world does and will revolve around my daughter and her needs, and her best interest, Always!
I have also decided to go back to school, I am pursuing a doctorate degree in substance abuse recovery. It is something I know I will be very good at. I am going to attempt to do this full time while Vic is gone, so I can start my career within the next couple of years. This way I can make my own hours! I remember in middle school, I read an article from a billionaire, and he gave advice; he said you have to find a career that you love doing, otherwise you will be miserable.
All the while I am still trying to get my pre baby figure back fully. The knee injury sure through a big wrench in those plans. I still am not authorized to run by my doc. I can do the bike and elliptical though. I am getting there, making progress, and I have finally stopped stressing every single day about this. I am taking it one day at a time and I know I will get there.
I am anxious of the year ahead of me, hoping I can make everything work smoothly. Balance is the key word here. I need to balance work, school, fitness, training/playing with the dogs (we got a new puppy to give Frank a friend after Jager passed his name is Chance), and mommy/daughter time, oh and Skype time with Vic. I've known a few super moms in my time, my mom is one of them. I still wonder how they do it! They are my inspiration!

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